July 18th marks the Dies Alliensis on the Roman Calendar. It is a day when the Romans coped and seethed about one of their most embarrassing losses, the Battle of the Allia. It was a battle between the strong and competent Gauls vs the weak and stupid Romans, where the Gauls utterly crushed the inferior Romans. The Romans tried defending against the invaders with a phalanx, a retarded military formation invented by senile Greeks(brown people). The Tall and Handsome Celts simply charged straight through their formation and caused the Romans to retreat and disband. This left the city of Rome unprotected, and the Gauls were the first people in history to sack the city, beating the Germanics to the punch by more than 800 years. The Roman losers had had enough of their city being looted and offered the Gauls a ransom if they were to cease their pillaging. The Gauls generously agreed, even though they had no reason to and could have just kept razing the city until all its valuables had been seized. The Romans were to pay the Gauls a certain weight in gold, and to assure the Gauls were paid what they were promised, there was a scale with a set of measuring stones on one end. The Romans were to put enough Gold on the other end so that each side was to be equal in weight, a reasonable system, right? Well, according to the hooked-nosed Romans, this method was very unreasonable. They kvetched and cried that the Gauls were using extra heavy weights so that the Romans had to pay more than they agreed upon(an obvious lie). The leader of the Gallic army, Brennus, pulled off what can only be described as an epic gamer moment and threw his own Klaudios onto his side of the scale, then proclaimed "Vae victis", Woe to the conquered! After the mercy the Celts showed to the Italians, those short hairy manlets deserved to be treated like shit after attempting to pull off such a sleazy scheme. None of the other enemies of the Roman Republic could have pulled off such a feat, not the Etruscans, not the Greeks, not the Seleucids, not the Anatolians, not even the Carthaginians. Only the Gauls could cause such embitterment that the Romans marked an entire day on their calendar so that every year they could cry about how badly they got owned!
>But today is July 20th, why did you not make this thread on July 18th?
Because I am dumb and thought the Dies Alliensis was on July 20th. I do not know why I thought this, but I did. I found this out yesterday. Fortunately, July 20th is the start of the Ludi Victoriae Caesaris on the Roman calendar. This was an 11-day festival created by Julius Caesar himself. The Romans were to engage in circus games, watch chariot races, and attend theatre to honor the military victories of Julius Caesar and the goddess Victoria. So I also made this comic to express my feelings about the man who destroyed the greatest government ever to exist. Res publica sine fine!
