For some reason, the older I get, the more religious I become.
Not in the performative sense. More in the sense that I can't stop reading about it.
Lately I've been obsessed with theology, cosmology, philosophy, old religions, ancient rituals anything that helps me understand why billions of people, across thousands of years, believed in something bigger than themselves. I read because I genuinely want to understand. The more I learn, the more questions I have.
It's weird because I wasn't like this growing up.
I generally avoided sitting through pujas. If my family wanted to visit a temple, I'd usually find a way to avoid it. Religion just didn't interest me. I never felt curious enough to ask why any of it existed.
Now I'm the complete opposite.
I keep coming back to it. Reading multiple book. I can spend hours going down rabbit holes about religion, history, consciousness, and the universe without getting bored. It's become one of those subjects I can't seem to leave alone.
Sometimes I wonder if I was just too young to care back then.
Or maybe this is what happens when you grow older. You spend enough time learning about the world that you eventually start asking that's why humans have always searched for meaning.
I still don't know what I believe.
But I know this: the idea that God might be watching over me brings me a kind of peace I didn't expect. It makes the future feel a little less uncertain. It makes the hard days easier to carry. It gives me a reason to keep learning, keep working, and keep moving forward.
Maybe that's faith.
Or maybe I'm still searching for it's real meaning
Either way, I don't think I'm done reading anytime soon.
>>537
It is not just you tbh, its a case for lot of people, and me as well. I was not all that interested in it. I think there is some form of curve bell to this, where as a child the stories fascinate you, as a teen (mid wit) you dont care and as an adult yoy get into depth of school of thoughts, cosmology, theology and old rituals. Erudite generation has been a huge contributor to this over all.
An existential crisis is a period of deep inner conflict where you question the fundamental meaning, purpose, and value of your life. Often triggered by major life transitions or trauma, it leads to feelings of intense anxiety, isolation, and a loss of identity.
for me, i lost my religiosity as i got older and i have no reason to pray even in despair. My major reason not to worship was "why even worship?" .
