It's raining, so much nowadays, I went out with a friend last night, and it was kind of strangely beautiful, it's nice when it rains and there's nice yellow lights everywhere, coffee, and the fog the rains make on the glass as the air inside is cooler.
the pre-monsoon light was kino around a month ago, unfortunately couldn't take pictures but the blue hour + traffic signals infront of dark clouds was sexo
It's hard to even write about it, it's so much, so flavour in it's experience, it's not perfect, but it's something. We talked about things, me and my friend, about people, exes or particularly just one. I ordered a decaf and my friend got a real coffee
Sometimes, I just like to open a thread on Inch and write, just write.
I wish she was here, she would have wished so too. Seeing men and women happy and mingling makes me feel, happy, but I'm always reminded that the one I truly love is so far that It doesn't even matter anymore. It's not a tale or rejection or whatever, there was never a rejection from her, there was always total love, and there still is, but the practicality of life can hardly win. In this weather I've had the time of my life with her, I met her in this weather and I lost her in this weather. When we met we used to sleep all day, and talk all day, and we'd sit in our beds and wrap around the bedsheets, the world was only bound towards the boundaries of my bed and she would live in it
>>38215
After almost 4 years with someone, and countless goodbyes with the same person, but inevitably never even being able to find anyone, not for a lack of opportunity (haha) but mostly because meeting a girl in your teen years and getting that much love and that deep of a connection one-shots you.
I'm fine now, there was a point where I was suffering madly, but I'm very happy in my life, I've discovered many other things. I try to forget about her, it's easier to now, It doesn't sting anymore, but she can't seem to do that, so she'll come about, message me, talk to me, feel sad and get scared and turn away.
The rain stopped here. That time with her when we were young and so lucky to somehow get privacy in my home, even if for a short while. It was like a cave, my room, it was beautiful and it smelled beautiful. Taking it to different heights everytime, doing new things, more and more.
One time we went for a drive in the morning, early morning, and just sat together. It's very weird, how all of this essentially doesn't matter anymore, not that it's not beautiful, but we can't keep looking at our old postcard and memories and expect now, present, to work.
>>38229
Now I'm without her, and I'm without the feeling of being without her, It's like everyday is good, it's great, there's not many reminders, or else Id be stuck and almost bed-ridden if I kept dragging her along. Why Im writing this now is because she comes back.
Engaging in memories and nostalgia is like a drug almost, it's slow poison, and it's okay to do it today, but hit me if I do it tomorrow, I probably won't, I trust myself enough to just live.
It's equally poignant and cringe to write about these things of "human condition", they're just so boring to read, oh great, a girl or a boy.
you know how strange it is, when you are utterly known to a person and vice-versa that you can basically do telepathy, or more accurately you have a model or a version of them in your head, that you can argue with. She does this too. Anyway, so far this monsoon has been incredibly emotionally strange, but you know I've been cutting through it all well, moving yourself everyday and not letting the overwhelming feeling of the air pull me down at all.
>>38290
He is, canonically bisexual man
