Wasted another day, I feel like shit. Just a sense of tiredness and weakness. I'm not eating much these days, I've become thinner and grown weaker. I feel a sense of brain fog, a numbness that pervades, a dullness that attacks and chokes me, I am tired 24/7 and my sleep is really off. I masturbate frequently and feel shit. I can't concentrate on what I need to do, and just rot in front of my screen, wasting time, if I'm on my laptop I waste it on the 'chans, If I'm on my phone I waste it on the 'gram, spending hours of my life doing nothing at all. It should hurt watching the reels that I see on my screen, scenes of the swiss countryside, scenes of happy couples in relationships, scenes of men superior than me in every aspect, be it height, strenght or intelligence, but I seem to have been numbed, too numbed to give a shit anymore. Nah, I do give a shit. I do want to achieve this some day. But it seems so hard, it's hard to even walk the tiniest steps towards that castle in the sky. I have no friends, the "friends" that I have is just a circle of people who shit on each other behind everyone's back and laugh around. The friend group which I have is just masturbation, when you think about it. It's a sort of ephemeral happiness, a hit of cocaine, that distances you from the rut your life is in. it's not long but it helps.
