>>205096
Today was almost a waste for me, but I got some stuff done. Pumpkins are coming along well. I'll be using plaster of paris too.
Overall, feeling:
Optimistic - Mystical - Electric - Chruchy - Halloween - Pagan - Diacritic
I've realized that a lot of my problems came from the inability to overtake my own moods. I have such a high, incredibly delicate and detailed sense of the world, everything is blown apart and scanned over and over again, there's pain and misery in the smell of the air, or there's sugary sex flowing through the soil beneath me.
I've slowly been learning how to take charge of these moods and, the way I percieve things, it's always going to be strong, but it can change directions. The only times its bland is when im doing extreme rote activity, heavy sports nulls it. I've been through some small surgery so I gotta wait, but yea, I guess even with that, it doesnt stop much, Im just usually more tired at night- actually im wrong, its probably more heightened
>>205112
The way something feels is not neccesarily its final reality, you can change what the feeling itself means, you can change and fine tune it, to your own story. That's what Ive learned.
>>205113
Listening to music on speaker vs on headphones changes everything. Im re-discovering an artist who I loved but was crowded by heartbreak for me. No longer so. Infact the entirety of this season is filled with love and heartbreak and memories.
When I write I can feel pagan spirits moving through trees I really mean it, I look outside through the trees, and I can feel my heart aching, my contempt, my insecurities and my desires, all of it on these trees.
>>205117
The crisp, cold-not-cold mornings of October in my home town, the suburbs, the trees, the roads, the eventual fog. My obsessions with America, my obsessions about her, in art, misery, in creative droughts and floods.
Thankfully I am in a creative flood. Since I am not miserable and avoid doing things that are cleanly stupid and make me more sad. And ofcourse changing thoughts to inherently change my view of my own past and reality onwards.
Every october is an invitation to bury the dead, party one last time, accept and move on from yourself, towards something new that will harbour itself in winter, to express in the sun.
>>205132
These times, for me are the strongest, spiritually internally, and they've always brought along, either great or horrible change. It's a challenge, can you ride the waves father crilly?
>>205137
Cest la vie
