Today I made the realization that it's been 11 years since I've had any friends in real life. Since High School. I don't even know how it's gotten to this point. It's like I've been in a coma or a zombie for the past decade and now I've suddenly awoken and realized how much of my life suddenly passed me by in a blur of depression and anxiety. At this point I don't even know if I can even become normal, it just doesn't seem possible, I can't even imagine it, I can't even think of anything to say when I talk to people beyond a sentence or two, and I've always been this way. I'm so distraught. I've been waking up every night after 3-4 hours of sleep in a cold sweat and pounding heart after realizing my life has been wasted. The other day my heart was in such pain that I thought I was experiencing a heart attack. I've felt extreme loneliness, depression, and anxiety all my life, but this was something else, like a truly primal feeling of absolute fear and isolation down to my core that I've never felt before. I'm almost 30 years old and I've done nothing with my life, I don't know how much longer I can live like this anymore.
>>197856
I really emphatize with your feeling of isolation and wasted oportunities since i felt crushed by them 3 years ago.. you can't catch up at this point, aim for a tolerable existence instead. I wasted 4 years trying to become a "normalperson" and only got frustrations as a result. You will eventually have real problems like money or homelessness to care about superfluous stuff like friends or emotional connections.
