No frens, no women interaction despite me living in one of the better places in India.
I know am behind solely due to my bad behavior. I don't know how to act or talk, and it is because am afraid. But whyy? Whyy am i afraid?? Why i have low self esteem?
there are ugly dudes doing much better than me.
I am lazy and don't have any motivation, only because of my failure at social situations. I fear to go and play outside, i don't even dare to go to library, hell i don't know about half of the buildings in my campus. I missed 3 classes because i had no idea where it is happening and was too afraid to ask someone. And i am skipping classes now, no idea why, just starting and my attendance is less than 35%.
Someone here advised me earlier to force myself in the social situations.
I did give my name for the lil workshop happening and i was interested in the topic too. But in the end i can't gather the courage to go there.
Take these events as "demands".
You only have a limited number of spoons a day to expend.
I'll drop a diagram below. As your demands increase, your response changes from worse to horrifying.
Some people have a propensity to avoid demands. They will give excuses non-stop, then they will freeze, then they will argue, then they will just completely breakdown.
There is no one particular solution. Different circumstances require different interventions. Only a therapist or someone autistic like me can figure a way out. The general idea is to reduce anxiety and make the situation bearable.
For example: I would have avoided job hunting for 7 days. I will come back and I see that there are 2000+ jobs posted. I panic because I would have missed anything important. I breakdown.
Now I have to do something about it. Listen to music while scrolling, or doing the task in short 10 minute breaks till I fully cover it. Completely cancel rest of the plan. It could be anything depending on the situation.
>>109951
>Now I have to do something about it. Listen to music while scrolling, or doing the task in short 10 minute breaks till I fully cover it. Completely cancel rest of the plan. It could be anything depending on the situation.
Exactly what's happening to me. I unironically wasted dozen of months over this. I try my best to be perfect, and cuz of my bad obsession i can't even do the basics. This is what happening it with me, be it about studies or gym or anything.
Do you think my social life is affected by the same reason? Or it is due to my fear?
>>109962
You may be autistic.
>Do you think my social life is affected by the same reason?
Yes.
Anxiety.
You need to know every single thing about something or else you will collapse in anxiety. See triangle above. You have to do as much as possible to keep anxiety in check to function or else you will FUNCTION AND COLLAPSE or you will COLLAPSE completely.
>>109963
> anxiety in check
How?
Escaping is the sole reason, why am i here.
> You need to know every single thing about something or else you will collapse in anxiety
This and the trying to do it in perfect way.
I messed up my JEE for this reason only.
I think i have OCD, not autism.
>>109965
>How?
That's something I can't help you with. Ask ChatGPT.
Can you look at people in the eyes?
>OCD, not autism
OCD is OBSESSION + COMPULSION
What exactly is your compulsion?
Eg. Obsession: I am scared that cum got in my ass and I got pregnant.
Compulsion: Put finger in ass and smell it for cum, wash it, get a doctor check it, ask friends about the possibility of getting pregnant from cum in ass, check websites, etc.
Once you do the compulsion check, you will feel happy for a while, then you say what if and go back to the obsession. You will not find an answer because you can't get pregnant from cum in ass and you are a man.
>>109967
>>How?>That's something I can't help you with. Ask ChatGPT.>Can you look at people in the eyes?
Nah.
>What exactly is your compulsion?
I suffer from unwanted thoughts, like i did something wrong or i missed something. even here, i sometimes think that i accidentally some wrong doxxable file, or while using phone i think i texted wrong person and will recheck thrice. Maybe the reason i am still here too.
Kek at the example.
>>109973
I am not even joking, i have 3 copies of same subject rn with 4-5 pages written. I want to make the notes again n again, perfectly and covering everything. I missed half of the classes so it's adding upto the anxiety.
Same thing happened in my JEE phase too, i started basic maths 4 times. I always wanted to cover the everything thinking i will do it perfectly and master the subject. I used to start the syllabus from different teachers from start, repeating the same starting chapters. Solved coaching modules of few chapters multiple times while never opened others.
>>109994
>Nah.
That's it then. Can't even look at someone in the eyes.
You should investigate about autism. You may find a light at the end.
Stop judging yourself with normie standards for starters.
>I want to make the notes again n again, perfectly and covering everything.
I have 50+ notebooks I have collected for 5 or so years that is worth 2000 rupees at this point that has 3 pages written and the rest is empty and gathering dust in the shelf.
>>110004
>I have 50+ notebooks I have collected for 5 or so years that is worth 2000 rupees at this point that has 3 pages written and the rest is empty and gathering dust in the shelf.
My condition is much worse.
What do you think is the reason behind this?
I also do this why trying to read books, i restart it certain times.
>>110017
Don't take notes. Take videos of lectures or audio notes.
>>110019
If it's not perfect then you will miss something important and you'll fail and everything you written collapses, so just to be thorough you have to start again. Just anxiety.
I fear approaching someone, but if they start being frank i do assimilate with them. I become normie and i stop caring about the things. I was doing fine in school, was infact quite popular too cuz i used to look good, was kinda athlete and was smart in studies.
But i left it in 10th, at first thought i will start it all by myself in the new city and shi but brutally messed up there. And in here in kalej too i just can't become partt of the group.
Another one.
I am for some reason obsessed with political happenings too. I used to make many such threads on bhach.
Like i many times notice things, or just act schizo thinking it's directed towards me or something.
Once i get into the flow i can't stop myself from doing this. Even writing or reading feels good, but it's hard to start. Like i will continue writing even if i have to take break cuz it feels good. And it gets worse when it's interesting thing, like sometimes i scroll reels for 4 hours without even drinking water, and if i involve myself in imageboard then i will spend whole day engaging here.
>>110060
>I fear approaching someone, but if they start being frank i do assimilate with them.
Prepare a list of people and find out what about them that made you open up.
If you put three autistic girls together they will become a hive mind and start rambling about Twilight or KPoop or whatever they are obsessed about in current year. If you put three autistic boys together they will ramble about World of Warcraft or Pokemon or whatever that interests them.
If you seperate them and keep them alone they will shut down and go back to being a robot.
This PROCESS is called masking. You mask because if you don't do it you will look out of place and people will bully you for it.
>I was doing fine in school, was infact quite popular too cuz i used to look good, was kinda athlete and was smart in studies.
Puberty and becoming an "adult" is when things get worse.
>I am for some reason obsessed with political happenings too.
I don't know why but it may be another anxiety related thing. Knowing how the world works and what is happening gives comfort. You figured out how the world works, now you don't have to be afraid, or so you think.
>>110067
It is a spectrum. Comorbidity is a thing.
I think I have Autism and ADHD and BPD btw. Autism + ADHD which created BPD in that order.
Okay good night.
>>110071
That's called hyperfocus. It'll leave you exhausted at the end.
Once my parents die I think I will do M.Sc. Psychology and become a quack. I think I have more knowledge than these gay ass therapists that I had to interact with.
>>110082
Nah my family is perfect, they help me and support me even if i act like retard.
My dad used to take me to morning walks, after seeing me depressed cuz of JEE.
